Sunday, 11 February 2007

the crooked stack
of boxed clementines
a running child



[2-11-07 changed "askew" to "crooked," I feel the former brought a hitch to the pace and dropped out of the tone of the ku...]
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7 comments:

Roswila said...

Thanks, John. I just made a one word edit to it. Hope your still like it. "Askew" seemed to drop out of the tone of the ku and bring a hitch to the pace, so I changed it to "crooked." :-)

11 February 2007 at 17:07
polona said...

oh, this spells disaster :)
nicely done!

11 February 2007 at 19:23
Area 17 said...

Wonderful.

One of those haiku you get more and more from each reading!

Very well crafted, very beautiful, and you should send it to a haiku magazine!

The shape of the boxes of clementines is the shape of the child running (past)...utterly enchantingly marvellous!

Could I add this to my Poetry School haiku workshop next week-end if this is okay?

Details of my haiku workshop are on my Area 17 blog: My Area 17 blog

.

11 February 2007 at 19:42
Roswila said...

Alan, thanks so much for your comments. Please, use it in your upcoming workshop. I'd be honored!

This just doubles the pleasure I always have this time of year enjoying the lovely little clementines. :-)

12 February 2007 at 04:03
Area 17 said...

Thanks Roswila!

I like the echo of running footsteps away, the smell of the clementines, even if they weren't dislodged! ;-)

12 February 2007 at 11:01
Roswila said...

Hi again, Alan,

Just in case you don't know, my name is actually Patricia Kelly and would you use that when you share my haiku? Thanks!

12 February 2007 at 18:19
goatman said...

My toes are bone cold
when will the warmgrace my soul?
Icey lake ice is askew

12 February 2007 at 21:38

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