Sunday, 11 February 2007

the crooked stack
of boxed clementines
a running child



[2-11-07 changed "askew" to "crooked," I feel the former brought a hitch to the pace and dropped out of the tone of the ku...]

8 comments:

John McDonald said...

love it
john

Roswila said...

Thanks, John. I just made a one word edit to it. Hope your still like it. "Askew" seemed to drop out of the tone of the ku and bring a hitch to the pace, so I changed it to "crooked." :-)

polona said...

oh, this spells disaster :)
nicely done!

Alan Summers said...

Wonderful.

One of those haiku you get more and more from each reading!

Very well crafted, very beautiful, and you should send it to a haiku magazine!

The shape of the boxes of clementines is the shape of the child running (past)...utterly enchantingly marvellous!

Could I add this to my Poetry School haiku workshop next week-end if this is okay?

Details of my haiku workshop are on my Area 17 blog: My Area 17 blog

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Roswila said...

Alan, thanks so much for your comments. Please, use it in your upcoming workshop. I'd be honored!

This just doubles the pleasure I always have this time of year enjoying the lovely little clementines. :-)

Alan Summers said...

Thanks Roswila!

I like the echo of running footsteps away, the smell of the clementines, even if they weren't dislodged! ;-)

Roswila said...

Hi again, Alan,

Just in case you don't know, my name is actually Patricia Kelly and would you use that when you share my haiku? Thanks!

goatman said...

My toes are bone cold
when will the warmgrace my soul?
Icey lake ice is askew